beautiful things

you dressed the trees and you saw their splendor

I’m writing this…

…from my desk. At work. At my new job. At a bank. Pretty rocking, right?

 

I had every single finger and toe crossed that I would not be working in retail come Christmas, and God listened to me! Things fell into place miraculously, and now I work fewer hours and make the same (if not more) than I was busting my butt over a five dollar blouse some careless customer tossed on the floor. And I get to sit on my butt all day. I’m pretty happy.

 

Seriously, I really feel happier. The husband keeps telling me I’m not anywhere near as tense and tired looking as I used to be. I feel chill-er..is that a word? Who cares!

Not me. 😉

 

 

But, now that I’m back on the bandwagon here with daily internet access(ha-cha!), I promise I’ll be here more often. Pinky promise. There–that good enough?

 

Things to accomplish this weekend:

get my haircut.

make breakfast burritios to freeze for the husband.

make something with bananas to use up the bananas i bought this morning. i found a recipe for *banana bread scones with brown sugar glaze* that looks extremely delicious.
 
 
we’ll see if any of it gets done. hah.
 
 
 
<3rachael
 
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sing you a love song

“It’s who you are and the way you live that count before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That’s the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship. God is sheer being itself—Spirit. Those who worship him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration.”

John 4:24 [the message]

 

music has been a part of my life for almost a decade now. I was told when I was younger that playing an instrument would be almost impossible for me because of my “disability”, I guess you would call it. now, at 21, I play guitar and piano. I’m part of a worship team full of amazing, honest, transparent people that inspire me constantly. 

 

I hate leaving that place — surrounded by willing souls, hands and eyes raised, crying out in pain and praise to the Lover of their souls. it’s easy to get lost in the overwhelming depth of it all, easy to get caught up and forget to breathe. 

 

God, open me up to let you in more. 

did you notice …

did you notice I was gone? if not, i’m crushed. crying on the inside. deep, gushing sobs. 

nah. just kidding. 🙂

it’s been a crazy few weeks for my love and i. he was gone on work stuff for a week, leaving me to spend quiet evenings alone, getting to watch the sappy, romance-filled movies i secretly adore but he pretty much hates. on those evenings, i realized how much warmth he brings when he’s here.

he can be quiet. “just because i’m not saying anything doesn’t mean something’s wrong.” and sometimes he’s laughing, laughing that great, big, from-deep-down laugh that i fell in love with from the beginning. when he’s gone, i feel like something is literally missing from my life. i feel exposed almost. 

we never talk on the phone. it’s a mutual dislike we have. but everyday we would talk that week, even if just for a few minutes.

“i miss you. i wanna see you.”

does that mean we are codependent? i don’t think so. we’re perfectly capable of being away from each other, having activities we pursue independently. sometimes i long for a still afternoon, Pandora on in the background while i live out my dream life on Pinterest(just kidding about the dream life). and i know he itches for his days off where he can stare at the television mindlessly while he sits cross-legged on our paint stained Turkish rug, getting lost in whatever video game he has his hands on now.

but we come back to each other. it’s a pull, like gravity, that we have on each other. we feel safe together. we can criticize and encourage, sympathize and disagree, know and wonder together. but we both have to have our “leave me alone for a few minutes” time. when that’s over, however, i sure am ready to see him again. 

 

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Matthew 6:34″G…

Matthew 6:34
“Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.”

i’m a worrier. a great, big, obnoxious worrier. it runs in my family, but i can’t use that as an excuse. sometimes it will be something small, but in my head i dwell on it and dwell on it, fretting, biting my nails until it becomes huge and nagging. it makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it. i become obsessed. the “what if?”s consume me and i withdraw. i panic. i worry about whether i’ll get everything i’m convinced i need to get done done, i worry about what i want to accomplish, i worry about what i want to be, i worry about what i’m not. 

i’m so thankful for jarrett. he sees right through me and tells me what exactly he’s seeing.  

“the housework, the job, all that…it’s secondary. that’s not what your first priority is.” 

Matthew 6:30-33
“If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.”

just slap me in the face, why don’t ya? gosh, Jesus. getting a little personal there. 

 

r<3

my dearest husb…

my dearest husband and I took a much needed stay-cation this weekend, and I was quite sad to come home. we spent two nights in a darling historic hotel, The Stonefort Inn, built in 1909. our bed was a solid wood four poster and was insanely soft. original wood floors and staircases, exposed brick walls, transom windows, subway tiles, jaccuzzi tub, with a gourmet breakfast. 

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the white chocolate raspberry scones were to die for. trust me. 

 

we hit up the tennessee aquarium, the IMAX, rock city and ruby falls. 

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the fairyland cavern was pretty creepy actually. storybook characters that looked like they were made out of paper mache and fingerpainted with glow paint surrounded by damp rock…pretty freaky. 

we also tried out some great restaurants. I highly recommend the fried pickles from the Pickle Barrel, along with the pom tots and herder pie from The Honest Pint. 

 

it was nice to get away, nice to take a break. it was nice to not have to impress people and just be with the one you love. it was nice to sleep. it was very very nice. 

 

 

i lied. it was awesome. i love my husband. 

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 set a fire do…

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set a fire down in my soul that I can’t contain and I can’t control … I want more of You, God! I want more of You, God!

it’s kinda beautiful out here tonight…

you can’t tell that I woke up this morning to find the leaves outside my window drenched and dripping, eagerly soaking in the long overdue drink they’d been waiting for. the sky is a crisp, clean blue, fading into a light, warm yellow as the last bit of the sun dips behind Lookout Mountain. there’s a ginger tabby cat sitting on the other side of my porch railing, meowing harshly at me every time I make eye contact or try to get him (or she? we’re don’t know each other well enough to start asking those kind of personal questions yet …) to let me pet him.

I wish I had a cat. or a dog. someone furry to cuddle up with. I mean, my husband’s kinda furry, but he’s too big.

laundry is going, but it’s not ours. my brother-in-law, Ben, and his mommy-to-be wife, Hayley, are over tonight and they’re using our washer and dryer. it’s quiet in the house. no one’s talking to much tonight, but sometimes i prefer the silence. sometimes i like to just sit out here and listen to the robins chatter and the squirrels nag at each other. it’s a nice respite after all the noise that’s constantly in my head.

haha. the cat just squeezed through my porch railing and is now sitting at my feet while I scratch his ears. I hope no property managers see him up here or I may get a nasty note…

 

 

 

let’s see if I can follow through and actually write stuff on here more than once.