did you notice …

did you notice I was gone? if not, i’m crushed. crying on the inside. deep, gushing sobs. 

nah. just kidding. 🙂

it’s been a crazy few weeks for my love and i. he was gone on work stuff for a week, leaving me to spend quiet evenings alone, getting to watch the sappy, romance-filled movies i secretly adore but he pretty much hates. on those evenings, i realized how much warmth he brings when he’s here.

he can be quiet. “just because i’m not saying anything doesn’t mean something’s wrong.” and sometimes he’s laughing, laughing that great, big, from-deep-down laugh that i fell in love with from the beginning. when he’s gone, i feel like something is literally missing from my life. i feel exposed almost. 

we never talk on the phone. it’s a mutual dislike we have. but everyday we would talk that week, even if just for a few minutes.

“i miss you. i wanna see you.”

does that mean we are codependent? i don’t think so. we’re perfectly capable of being away from each other, having activities we pursue independently. sometimes i long for a still afternoon, Pandora on in the background while i live out my dream life on Pinterest(just kidding about the dream life). and i know he itches for his days off where he can stare at the television mindlessly while he sits cross-legged on our paint stained Turkish rug, getting lost in whatever video game he has his hands on now.

but we come back to each other. it’s a pull, like gravity, that we have on each other. we feel safe together. we can criticize and encourage, sympathize and disagree, know and wonder together. but we both have to have our “leave me alone for a few minutes” time. when that’s over, however, i sure am ready to see him again. 

 

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